Computer crash

TrialByShorthand has been quiet for a few days, due in part to a home internet connection which is reluctant to do what it says on the tin.

But I’ve been granted a miraculous window of usage by the temperamental technology today, so time to get back up to date.

My favourite story of the week is the cautionary tale of Oscar Hinojosa, an American who was driving while using his laptop and - somewhat predictably - lost concentration, crashing head-on into a Hum Vee.

It may be sad, but there’s something so glamorously American about this story that I can’t help but feel attracted to. If the same accident had happened in the UK, the laptop would have been replaced by a Minute Maid lolly and the Hum Vee by a Robin Reliant. Those Americans are just so darn cool, even in death.

And full marks to Tom Marshall of California Highway Patrol for his fabulously understated words of wisdom: “"When you're driving that is not a time to be practising your multitasking skills."

But the biggest giggle is the news that the Princess Diana fund is to give 10 million pounds to refugees, asylum seekers, young offenders, the Roma (gypsy) community and lesbian and gay parents with learning disabilities.

I’ve had great fun visualising Daily Express readers spluttering into their Lapsang Souchong at hearing this roll call of pet hates.

And getting their grubby foreign little hands on our hard-won British cash too? Disgraceful. After all, couldn’t they have just bought some more lilies?

Altogether now: ‘It’s political correctness gone maaaaaaad.’